i’m gonna break. i’m gonna scream. i’m gonna cry. i’m going to be pathetic. have you ever looked around and realized no one likes your personality, or even worse can’t stand your personality? i can’t save myself anymore, i’ve taught myself for too long how to give myself the pep talks and teach myself how to be confident, and when that voice stopped it was silent, and i’m left alone. in the dead silence i’m starting to hate myself. i don’t want attention but i know i need it, i miss being the put together, confident, breezy one, that no one would second guess what’s on my mind, but no ones second geussing me now either, and i need them to notice, i need anyone to notice that im not okay, i will be, but i’m not right now. i need reasurrance, if anyone feels like i deserve it, but i’m not sure i do. i don’t know who i am, because i was so sure, too sure of who i was, and now that i’m second guessing everything, i lost myself along the way. i selfishly need someone to look me in the eyes and tell me i’m beautiful, not the average hot or sexy, i need someone to look deep into my eyes and if there’s truth to any beauty they see, tell the truth, but reality is hitting hard and maybe they’re isn’t truth. i hide from my insecurities, i cover up, and put on an act, an act i just want to be forever, the centre of attention, the outgoing, confident act that i wish would take over now. it’s never enough though, i’m happy hiding behind that because i feel good, i don’t feel like the girl i hated five years ago and changed, its time to change again though, because even though i’m happy covering up, nothings good enough. i hate attention seeking, i hate it, the last thing i want to be seen as is pathetic, or sad, i want the perfect life that i know i have, i want to stay that girl, but i don’t know how to save myself anymore when everyones bringing me down, i don’t know how. i’m not dumb i know what people think of me, but i also knew what people have thought of me my whole life, and i got strong, wheres my strength? i just need someone, just one person, anyone to peel me off the bathroom floor everynight, anyone to just say its okay, because ive said it to myself so many times. hyper sensitive. i love my life and im happy and bubbly 99% of the time, but that 1% of time near the end of the night when reality slaps me in the face, breaks me every time.